This is to clarify everything.
I've always had trust issues. I used to get made fun of constantly, and almost every boyfriend in my past has cheated on me. Needless to say, I've been through more things than someone my age should have to endure.
I wouldn't wish my past on anyone, but I also wouldn't change anything about it. If anything it has taught me how to treat others and to enjoy my life. To appreciate the things I do have.
I have no problems trusting my fiance, and it's been that way since day 1. I also have a smaller group of friends I know would NEVER let me down, let alone treat me wrong.
In my entire life, theres only been one person that pushed my buttons to the point my lil white girl self went "ghetto". I realize, as will those of you I grew up with, that I used to have anger issues, but I've learned how to be more laid back about things.
This is the first time in almost 8 yrs that I've had even the slightest urge to get hot-headed again. I know that I shouldn't have blown off steam using FB, but it was spur of the moment. I just don't like being treated like garbage, especially from someone who claimed to be my friend.
"I have no use for her now."
The day I found that out, I cried. I'm not gonna lie, I knew it was inevitable given the circumstance, but it still hurts knowing someone you trust could be that hateful.
As I'm writing this, I'm tearing up. I really shouldn't be, but I am. I feel like I'm not a good friend, or at least something to that extent. Maybe it's because of my insecurities or maybe because I know I played a part as well.
I never understood why someone could ever control their significant other to the point of not letting them see their friends. I've been in that situation before, and it's very hurtful. I guess everyone has to go through it at one point.
I'm very grateful that even though things happened in the past the way they did, I'm still able to be friends with my brother from another mother and pick up practically where we left off.
I know everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it's God's plan, and sometimes we cause our own destiny. I really do believe that this will eventually turn into a blessing and I'll be able to stop being worried about meeting new people.
Until I reach that point in my life, I'm concentrating on keeping myself happy. I have responsibilities. Not just the typical adult things like bills, but a responsibility to be there for my friends that I consider family and an even bigger one to uphold my relationship with my fiance. Of course, family IS the obvious one.
I really hope that people start thinking twice before saying or doing things that would hurt someone else. I also believe in karma. I know things come back full circle.
So this is my advice: live life to the fullest. Don't take ANYTHING for granted. If someone is treating you wrong, whether it be a friend or significant other, talk with them. Work it out. If they don't want to work things out, then THEY don't deserve YOU. It's taken a few trips to hell and back to finally realize this. Please.. Don't let yourself get hurt by someone that doesn't deserve you to be in their lives, and don't get used.
Alrighty.. I just needed to REALLY get that off my chest. Sorry for "venting" to anyone that isn't really into it, but I figure this is better than screaming obscenities at the top of my lungs.
Hope everyone has a great and wonderful night and thanks for reading my rant!
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