If God truly never gives us more than we can handle, then why do I feel as though I rewashed my breaking point?
Over the past few days I feel that I've list a lot of hope. I've done so much crying. I've done so much praying. I've tried so hard.
So why does it feel as though I'm still struggling? Why can't I be happy?
What's worse is it's effecting everything. I feel as though I've lost control.
Things are so hard.
I was so excited because my testing and interviews at CAT went wonderful. I thought I had it in the bag.
Boy was I wrong.
Got emails saying I wasn't selected.
I'm so sick of being without a job. I feel so worthless and like a failure because of it. Not too mention depressed.
I can't help support Dan or myself. I'm constantly stuck inside all the time and sometimes I even forget what fresh air actually is.
I'm scared that Dan is going to eventually get mad and worn out. I don't this to be something to jeopardize our relationship. I can't help but be scared.
I'm just so depressed. I honestly don't know what to do. I hate this town and lack of opportunities that come along with it.
I just wish I could be happy.
I really hope my interview goes well on Friday. Given it's at 730am, but I'll manage.
I need something to do. I'm absolutely bored to death with my life right now.
That isn't aimed at anyone. It's just my own personal battle. I feel like I'm worthless and unneeded. I mean, I barely supply or support my fiancee and I.
I'm not one to like everything handed to me. Never really have, so depending on him for money/bills makes me feel terrible.
Just thought if I had this job already I wouldn't be so bored. Mauve it's actually not gonna be THAT great, but it'd be better than nothing.
I guess this is just me venting about being alone almost every night. It's pretty dang boring.
I miss being a teenager. I miss staying out late with my guys. I miss having fun all the time during the summer.
Being an adult really just isn't fun anymore.
Just thought I would share with everyone as to why I've been excited about tomorrow (the 22nd).
I have testing out at Cat! I'm hoping I get this! It would be such a blessing
I'm just asking for support. Basically for prayers/thoughts. Our situation is a lil bad financially right now, so this would be the biggest help.
I plan on keeping everyone updated on the situation.
I know a lot of people are probably thinking "What about your health issues?"
Well.. It's something I plan on pushing through. I have confidence and faith that, regardless of the situation, I can work through anything I set my mind too.
Just feel EXTREMELY blessed to have people that support me!
This isn't going to be very long because I'm not in the mood to really even communicate with anyone right now.
Every decision I make, regardless of the situation, always seems to disappoint everyone. I've played the role of "Dr. Phil" to a lot of people and then they turn around and shoot my advice down.
This is plain and simple. If you don't like my advice and you know you are going to instantly shoot me down, then don't ask.
I'm sick of it. When I need help or advice, it's like pulling teeth to get someone to listen or help.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still here when someone needs me. I'm not shooting everyone down. I'm just saying if you don't want my opinion or honesty in general, then don't ask.
Insomnia. Again. The only difference between now and ashby other time? My mind.
My thoughts are RACING like crazy. My brain just won't shut off.
Lately, my job hasn't been the best to me. I've said this numerous times, and I really do mean it : I'm blessed to have a job. I really am, considering my old employer closed down about 4 months after I left.
I could be like 300+ of my ex coworkers and not have anything but a small unemployment check to live off of. I could be in a worse spot than I am now.
The thing is, I'm stressed. I never thought I would be somewhere that could make me feel this low about myself.
I can't help it that I'm diabetic. I can't help that I was in the ER 3 times in 1 week, and 1 of those times staying the night. I've had numerous doctor visits because of certain things, and they still don't know what's wrong with me. This THEN entails MORE doctor visits and MORE missed work.
I have been told BEFORE I had no chance of being full time because of "financial" issues. I start to miss work, but followed all protocol. Doctors notes faxed and brought in, prescheduled appointments, requested time off, called my bosses numerous times a day, etc. I have too much respect than to no call no show or miss for the hell of it.
Now I'm being told I could be full time (35 hrs/week, salaried, commission), but I'm not reliable.
Ok.. FIRST! I didn't start missing until recently. There were plenty of times I had asked for a guess as to when this may happen for me. There were tons of times we had these discussions to where I was even pulled off into a desperate room and evaluated. I was even told you WISHED I could be full time because I was learning fast and had wonderful potential!
Now I'm being told it was available to me, but because I can't get my stupid health under control I'm at fault. I've also been told that I'm losing my "potential" because I'm not as "firm".
There's a difference between what I do now and my old job. I did customer service for over 3 years. This "pushy", "demanding" setting is HARD for me. I can't help it. I know people lie to me.all the time at work. Everyone has their own excuse. I just can't deal with it.
I love the people I work with. I've been able to make some new friends and learn new things.
I used to even be able to talk to the owners like nothing, but they have been kind of stand off-ish. I realize it's because of the above situation.
I take full responsibility for all that has happened. I understand my health has been an issue that I could've done certain things to minimize my problems. I'm an adult, and I know every mistake you do learn from. Life with a job/career isn't a joke.
I just want compassion. I want to know that people see that I'm trying. That I'm a human and I'm not perfect. I try way too hard to please everyone.
Really... I can't deal with this stress anymore. I thought my last job was bad... I feel worse about myself with this.
Maybe it's because I know everything is my own fault. Maybe I realize now that I screwed up.
All I can do is pray. Pray that either this will work itself out, or something better will come along.
I'm grateful that I have people to support me. Especially my fiancee. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be able to cope anymore. He's done a wonderful job at drying my tears and making my smile.
This truly is a rant. It's emotional for me to discuss or even think about. It may seem like rambling to you reading this, but there really are deeper, strong feelings to this. I'm going to end here, but, please, feel free to comment with your opinions.
This won't be a long one, but figured I would do some GOOD ranting!
I know I've said this before, but I absolutely love me friends! They listen, make me laugh, and are the siblings I've never had!
I honestly believe that I wouldn't get through life without my close friends. And the AWESOME part about ALL of them is, even though we started out hanging in different "groups", I can get EVERYONE together, and they get along!
That isn't even the best part.. They ALL get along with my fiancee! It's such a blessing.
I've always wanted to find someone like him. Someone that gets along with all of my friends and that my parents like. I never thought that it would be this wonderful.
So.. Like I said, good rant, and short at that, but I wanted to brag a lil about the good in my life!
I love my friends. I never even really call them "friends" anymore because they ARE my family! I consider myself blessed EVERY day for those that are in my life. Some I've known for over 14 years, and some are more recent, but I absolutely love them all, and I know we would all do anything for each other in heartbeat, regardless of the situation.
You all know EXACTLY who you are. I don't feel a need to go name-by-name because I've expressed to all of you how much you mean to me in person, via text, or even fb.
Love you guys! <3
Now, again I haven't done a blog in a while, but I haven't really been wanting another "stocker" incident, but I've decided I can't let one person ruin what I feel like doing.
All my life I've done anything and everything to keep others happy, regardless of my feelings. This is how I was raised. It goes along with the Bible. "Treat Others How You Want To Be Treated."
What happens when that no longer works?
I'm now 24, so this is going back a few years. In high school, I was constantly made fun of, labeled as an outcast. As a matter of fact, this is extremely hard for me to talk about.
I never understood why people could be so hateful.
In '06, which was my senior year, I FINALLY was pushed to my breaking point. I never actually "snapped", but I quit being quiet. I started "speaking my mind" to those that messed with me.
It was wonderful getting these thoughts off my chest! It was a wonderful freedom that I hadn't felt before! I realized I was missing out when I was being the quiet kid.
Now, here we are 6 years later, and I feel as though in not allowed to speak my mind anymore. Again, I'm 24. Last time I checked, I am an adult. I thought a "right of passage" into adulthood was the allowance of making your own choices.
I understand that some people will never agree with our decisions of being an adult. No one will ever be considered perfect to everyone. That's a given.
The question still stumps me : What do you do when you abide by everything you were taught as a child and read in the Bible, and people still treat you as though you're a verbal punching bag and have zero feelings?
I KNOW I'm not the only one thats ever had this happen. What do you, the readers, do in these situations?
If your are anything at all like me, there's only so much ignoring and smiling you can do before you break.
I hate hiding feelings. I've never been a fan of that. I can still sit in front of a crowded room, bite my tongue, and pretend things don't phase me, but I AM human! I have feelings, and I break emotionally as much as the next person.
I don't understand why people are so petty, uncaring of other people's feelings, or even so heartless.
How can people be so unhappy that they must destroy the business of others?
I guess I'll never understand these things. Maybe it's another test from God. Maybe it's just something that's supposed to happen to make us stronger people.
All I know is I feel I have a right and a privilege to deal with these things the best that I know how. Given, the hot-headedness I displayed my senior year is NOT how I choose to deal with these things anymore. I have respect for others and know that it's an irresponsible way to deal with frustrations.
From now on, though, I'm going to do things the best I know how. Thats to make jokes out of the situations. Be sarcastic, but not acknowledge the certain people or specific details of the situations.
All I can say is, I'm sorry if you don't like how I handle it. I don't want to lose friends over it. That wouldn't ever be an intention of mine, but again, I think we've all done things that people disagree with. We all make mistakes, but the one thing we ALL have in common is the fact that we LEARN from our mistakes. They make us stronger. They show that we have the ability to overcome struggles. They make us HUMAN.
Well, I will leave this one at this point. Just remember, we're all human, and we all deal with our problems/mistakes in different ways.
Thanks for reading!
Haven't blogged in a while. Guess I haven't had the time and because I've been sick.
I had a doctor appointment today and found out what's wrong FINALLY! I still have EBV, which is the virus that causes mono. I've had it for about 2 months, maybe a lil longer. I never got the chance to rest for it to get out of my system. I also got told that my back/side pain is more than likely costochondritis, which is swelling of the cartilage that connects the ribs to the spine and the sternum.
I got a shot of vitamin b in my hip and told to take a vitamin b supplement. Apparently I should take prenatals because of the high vitamin b content. I guess at least I may have a chance to get pretty hair and nails!
I'm also pulled from work until Monday, which gives me 4 days to rest. I don't have anything planned today, but Friday and Saturday are a lil booked. It'll be ok, though. I plan on laying around the rest of the time.
Now, this its a major burden to me. I've only been at my job since January, so OBVIOUSLY I don't want to risk losing my job, but I also didn't want this to cause me to fall asleep at work. Kind of a catch-22 if you ask me.
I've been blessed that I even have this job. I got out of my last job at the end of December of 2011 and started this one January 2nd. A few weeks into it, I found out that my old job of 3 and a half years was closing its doors permanently. I got out just in time. I definitely believe that God was watching over me and my finances. I have also been having health issues that have caused me to miss work and end up in the hospital a few times. They've been very understanding with my situation. That I am extremely grateful for. I don't know what I would do if I worked somewhere like StarTek again. At this point, iff I didn't have fmla, I would have been fired from there. That's even after 3 and a half years. Needless to say, I'm not used to working with a company that's so caring and understanding.
I know a few weeks ago I had posted to fb that I wanted another job. In all honesty, my job rocks. it's easy and I work with some pretty cool people, even though I'm the youngest person there by a few years. Everyone is sooooo down to Earth. I also love that, unlike the Tek, I can tell people to not curse at me and I can get stern with them. Im also allowed to release the call at that point, or I can transfer to a supervisor that doesn't try and deny calls.
The only reason I was looking into a possible 2nd job is because I'm still part time. I get 30 hours a week instead of 40 plus I don't get commission like everyone else, yet I contribute to the amount of commission everyone receives. I wouldn't mind having another job that's like 15-20 hours a week. I would just need Saturdays off. If anyone has any recommendations, please feel free to comment. I'm good with Decatur, Forsyth, or Mt. Zion.
The reason I'm needing some extra cash is because in about 16 months I'm getting married. My fiance and I are looking into getting a house before we get married. We really want to be able to celebrate our relationship in the right way. We want to take the right steps to get to that point in our relationship. Unfortunately everything takes money, and that's something that is a lil difficult to come by with all the bills adulthood brings about. Now, he has a better income than me, but with today's economy, it's difficult for 2 people to live off one income. Given I DO have an income, but it really just goes to bills. I also am getting paid bimonthly again. THAT is difficult.
I guess my lovely informative blog turned into a rant!
Another thing... I want to start a vlog. I realize I've gone over and over with that topic. I have a web cam on my mini, but I'm not sure how high of resolution the video wood be. I don't believe it has flash either, so my vlog wouldn't be high quality. I want ti be able to reach a lot of people with my topics, opinions, and rants, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be taken seriously. I would love to have a camcorder for the occasion, but as you previously read, I don't have exactly spare spending money.
My other thing is coming up with topics. I would probably start with like 1 vlog a week until I get the hang of everything. I also would need to practice my editing skills. Now, what topics would YOU, my wonderful future audience, like to see me cover? I've had a few ideas, but haven't been able to elaborate beyond the topic.
That's the "assignment" for everyone that reads this. Consider yourself part of my blog team! I need blog and vlog ideas! What things would you like to see/hear me cover?
Leave a comment here, say something on FB, send me a text, etc. Your opinions matter to me!
I've recently found a way to help my fiance and I keep the "spark" alive since we work opposite schedules.
Letters.
Yep good ol fashioned notes! It's like being in high school all over again. We don't get as much opportunity to communicate, which is.a MAJOR role in a serious relationship.
What better way to update each other on daily things? I realize texting and social networking are more popular, but they aren't as meaningful.
I'll be honest. It's been very difficult with me on a day shift and him on 3rds. It has caused there to be some tension aaaand some arguments. Unfortunately those things happen due to lack of communication.
Don't get me wrong. I love the occasional cute texts and wall posts. They make me smile and remind me how lucky and loved I am, but something about a hand written note beats all of that.
It's cheesey, I know. It honestly does help. It's nowhere near as wonderful as speaking to your significant other in person, but it still puts a smile on your face to open your purse and find a note telling you about their day.
I love being able to put my feelings in writing and absolutely love doodling little pictures. I think it's fun and a good means of communication.
Other things to do to keep a relationship running in my opinion is to cook for one another. Nothing fancy, but tell me who has ever frowned coming home from work to a nice dinner? I guarantee nobody has ever been mad about that.
The obvious is going out on a date. Being taken out to even a fast food restaurant and going on a walk together can be just as romantic as going to a candlelit dinner and a movie or something to that sort.
Spending time together is important. If you have a situation as ours, then it can be difficult to spend enough time together. All I can recommend on that is to cherish the time you have together. Make time. Whenever you both have a day off, spend it together. Plain and simple. Even staying in, watching movies, and ordering a pizza makes a relationship better.
I know while reading this you're probably thinking "Well no duh!" You'd be surprised what little things people forget when they're comfortable in a relationship. I just wanted to share what my fiance and I do to keep our relationship going.
Now, there will always be arguments here and there. It helps keep a relationship strong. And females, we all know men bottle things up, so the little arguments do serve a purpose. Lets face it ladies, we all want our fellas to open up more. It may not be how WE want them to do it, but consider it something good.
Hopefully this little bit of incite helps, or at least gave you some entertainment!
Until next time.. Rant on my fellow bloggers!!
I REALLY don't get people..
How can someone who has PURPOSELY removed themselves from your life want to mess with you when you're doing just fine without them?
I think it's hilarious that they don't know that I know what they're TRYING to do.
Daniel and I are EXTREMELY happy together. I've never felt this way about someone in my life, EVER.
I think it's very sad and desperate for someone to go completely out of their way to make an attempt of sabotaging someone else's relationship just because theirs failed.
I get that things happen for a reason, but I don't see "sabotage" as a "thing" that just happens. There's planning and intentions of doing something hurtful.
It's alright, though, because Dan and I are stronger than rumors. Stronger than highschool drama. We're IN LOVE. He's the one I plan on spending my life with.
So to those of you that just can't accept that, then move on. Sorry that you have zero say in my life, but that's also a hint to back off.
If you have the guts to text Daniel and I about "knowing what I'm doing" and "being a friend of 'hers' that knows I've cheated on my fiance" then you should be able to own upto who you are.
Too bad it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know who's threatening me, my fiance, and my relationship with a lie.
Anybody who knows me knows that I don't cheat. I have more respect than that. And wpod I really be ENGAGED or IN LOVE or with him for almost TWO YEARS if I honestly wanted to cheat?
Some of us aren't like you in that we can be with someone that long and engaged, yet make out with someone else behind your significant others back. In his car. All the while only thinking if your own feelings.
Don't ever threaten me. Don't ever talk to me. At this point in my life I would rather you not be in it. If you can only cause drama, then I don't want to be around you. I'd like to be as drama free as possible.
So.. I realize I'm one of the very few lucky people that had parents who stayed together throughout my whole life.
Their love and devotion for each other has proven to me that real love does exist. There are people that still take wedding vows very seriously.
Too many people today just rush into things. They get pregnant and instead of making sure they are compatible or going through counseling, they immediate have a shotgun wedding.
After the child is born and they no longer have "alone" time, or even time to get to know each other, they give up.
They fight and threaten divorce. I don't get it. Why would you put children through that, let alone yourself? Wouldn't you think that when you FIRST realized you weren't happy you would've done something about it? Instead, people put themselves through hell.
"It's for the children."
That statement is terrible and selfish. Do you not realize that no matter the age of the child, they stilll understand moods. They still understand that mom and dad aren't happy.
Why? Seriously. I don't understand. I see so many people put themselves through this. Even close friends. It's not worth it. Nowhere near worth it.
I guess what I'm saying is I'm extremely lucky to have the example that no matter what, things can always be talked/worked out.
A relationship IS a job. It takes more time and effort than ANYTHING you will ever encounter. For those that don't understand that, then don't play that you're ready for that commitment. Don't lead others on. Don't wait until you're married with children, fighting constantly, and now out of love.
Do yourself and your significant other a favor. Love each other. Obviously there was something that lead you together. Work things out. Don't do something you'll regret.
Wedding vows are sacred. They're for eternity. Once you say those 2 words, then it's forever. Marriage is sacred. Why doesn't anyone take this seriously anymore?
When I get married next year and say those vows, I'll mean them with all my heart and soul. When I get married, I want it to be for life. I hope others in my generation feel this way.
Sorry if this touches too close to home for some of you, but it needed to be said.
So, please, take your relationship seriously. It's not a game or a competition. It's a job and a blessing.
Typical night for me not being able to sleep.
I took my usual meds and as they always do, they knocked me out for a few hrs on the couch. Definitely didn't intend on that happening.
I woke up at 3am and now I can't sleep. Go figure. Again, I hadn't blogged in a few days, so what better way to kill time until I fall asleep?
I have a hard time staying awake at my job. It's not the job though.. It's me.
A few weeks ago I tested positive for the mono virus, but the doctor acted as though it was "leaving" my system. I'm starting to believe that isn't the case at all.
I could sleep 8 hrs straight and take a nap on lunch and STILL be struggling to keep my eyes open.
I'll come home ATTEMPT to do chores and make dinner for me and my fiance, but I always end up falling asleep watching tv.
I just turned 24, so it's not like I'm old and pass out due to my age. I think that ebstien barr virus just doesn't want to leave me alone. They say once you get it you can't get rid of it.
Apparently it lays dormant in your body until something stirs it up again.
I think stress causes it to come back. With all the crap I was going through physically and emotionally that put me into the hospital, it wouldn't surprise me.
It sucks though. I miss staying out late with my friends. Walking down by the lake until 2am is a lot more fun than it sounds. But how can I even try doing that when my eyes feel heavy and start to cross as though I pulled an all nighter with a school assignment?
Hopefully soon while I'm changing certain things with myself, that won't happen. Cutting out greasy, fatty foods for the purpose of not only making myself healthier, but to lose some weight around the gut region so I'll look damn good for my wedding!
I realize thats a lil over a year away, but I should just start anyways.
I have a condition with my leg and knee that basically stop me from being able to do what I used yuo love... Running. So I've resorted to walking for miles when I get a chance. Just so I can at least be active.
Being diabetic requires a lot of "activity" to stay healthy and help keep bloodsugars down. When I was in high school and taking PE I never really had issues managing it. Now that I'm at a sit down job, it's slightly difficult.
I'm no longer in a job that causes high stress, so thats a plus that also can play a big factor.
I really would like some opinions as to how to tone and lose weight in the stomach. Thats my main problem area.
So.. If you have any suggestions on food, diet, exercise, etc., please leave some suggestions.
Again, I alread try to walk almost every day.
Thanks everyone!
Well... Tomorrow I turn the big 2-4.
If I don't seem all that enthused, it's because I'm not. Theres nothing special to that age. Nothing that you can finally start doing legally and no dropping of insurance rates.
Just another year.
I'll get to spend it with the people I love, and thats the best part of it for me. Well.. That and the good food my mama's making! Gotta love home cooked meals!
I haven't really blogged in a while. Not too sure if I really have any "followers", but if you do read these, I'm sorry I've been on the amitr side. Things have been hectic.
My fiance, my parents, and I spent the weekend in St Louis. It was AWESOME! Got to go to a Cards-Cubs game, abd the Cards won! That was a nice birthday present from the team! =)
Not only that, but found that my new baby, the 2011 Chevy Cruze, made it from decatur to STL, a lil south of STL, down town STL driving, and back to Decatur, leaving a quarter tank of gas. I knew that car was an AWESOME investment!
The hotel we stayed at was really cool too. Free freshly made popcorn all day, free dinner from 530-7, 3 free ADULT beverages 530-7, free FULL breakfast, indoor pool, and indoor hot tub! It was a vacation that DEFINITELY should've lasted another 2 days!
I'd say all in all we had a great time!
I know the boys (Oreo and Milo our cats) missed us like crazy though. Boy they were excited til see us! They just don't get the concept that humans need the opportunity to get away from reality every once in a while.
I think vacations remind us that we still have a child like mindset inside all of us. Whether you're 20 or 70, I think everyone likes to let their inner child out as much as possible.
They say your only as old as you feel and that age is just a number.
In 2 hrs and 15 min I'll be 24, but still feel 17.
How old do YOU feel??
This is to clarify everything.
I've always had trust issues. I used to get made fun of constantly, and almost every boyfriend in my past has cheated on me. Needless to say, I've been through more things than someone my age should have to endure.
I wouldn't wish my past on anyone, but I also wouldn't change anything about it. If anything it has taught me how to treat others and to enjoy my life. To appreciate the things I do have.
I have no problems trusting my fiance, and it's been that way since day 1. I also have a smaller group of friends I know would NEVER let me down, let alone treat me wrong.
In my entire life, theres only been one person that pushed my buttons to the point my lil white girl self went "ghetto". I realize, as will those of you I grew up with, that I used to have anger issues, but I've learned how to be more laid back about things.
This is the first time in almost 8 yrs that I've had even the slightest urge to get hot-headed again. I know that I shouldn't have blown off steam using FB, but it was spur of the moment. I just don't like being treated like garbage, especially from someone who claimed to be my friend.
"I have no use for her now."
The day I found that out, I cried. I'm not gonna lie, I knew it was inevitable given the circumstance, but it still hurts knowing someone you trust could be that hateful.
As I'm writing this, I'm tearing up. I really shouldn't be, but I am. I feel like I'm not a good friend, or at least something to that extent. Maybe it's because of my insecurities or maybe because I know I played a part as well.
I never understood why someone could ever control their significant other to the point of not letting them see their friends. I've been in that situation before, and it's very hurtful. I guess everyone has to go through it at one point.
I'm very grateful that even though things happened in the past the way they did, I'm still able to be friends with my brother from another mother and pick up practically where we left off.
I know everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it's God's plan, and sometimes we cause our own destiny. I really do believe that this will eventually turn into a blessing and I'll be able to stop being worried about meeting new people.
Until I reach that point in my life, I'm concentrating on keeping myself happy. I have responsibilities. Not just the typical adult things like bills, but a responsibility to be there for my friends that I consider family and an even bigger one to uphold my relationship with my fiance. Of course, family IS the obvious one.
I really hope that people start thinking twice before saying or doing things that would hurt someone else. I also believe in karma. I know things come back full circle.
So this is my advice: live life to the fullest. Don't take ANYTHING for granted. If someone is treating you wrong, whether it be a friend or significant other, talk with them. Work it out. If they don't want to work things out, then THEY don't deserve YOU. It's taken a few trips to hell and back to finally realize this. Please.. Don't let yourself get hurt by someone that doesn't deserve you to be in their lives, and don't get used.
Alrighty.. I just needed to REALLY get that off my chest. Sorry for "venting" to anyone that isn't really into it, but I figure this is better than screaming obscenities at the top of my lungs.
Hope everyone has a great and wonderful night and thanks for reading my rant!
Yea.. So that previous blog titled "Fake".. I'm over it.
You took my best friend away from me over stupid things and because you're insecure. I know you CONSTANTLY lied to my face, which makes you a horrible excuse for a human being, let alone a friend. I would drop everything all the time for you, but all you wanted was a friend over 21 and someone that could drive you around.
I'm taking this as a learning experience that I will NEVER get close to another female ever again. Men are right. Some of us can be sooooo two faced. Not only two faced, but catty.
I don't care if I get threatened or whatever because of this post. If you don't like it, don't read it. Starting NOW I'm not putting up with anymore bs. I'm grown and take car of myself. I have a full time job, bills, a fiance, and family to worry about.
People who live fast lives and have no remorse for others in it are the ones that never find true happiness. They're the 40 something year olds drinking their lives away at the bars on a weeknight. The people that hate their jobs, their lives, and have no friends. At least no true friends.
From now on, I'm concentrating on the people that matter the most to me, and as you put VERY kindly "i don't hate you, I just like it better when you aren't around."
Alright! I'm bored and can't sleep, so I decided to blog to occupy my time.
So my fiance works third shift, so I hardly get to see him, except on the weekend. It's definitely very hard to do. Hes going for a different position, or at least trying. This job is a total blessing, but it makes it difficult to keep up on things.. Even our relationship.
Because of this, we definitely value our time together a lot more. I guess you could say it's kind of a blessing, but we haven't really been apart since day 1 of being together.
Given the circumstances, we were thrown into living together only about 2 months into our relationship, and we had to find a place to live 3 months after dating while we lived with my parents.
I've always believed you shouldn't move in with someone until you've been with them a long time because of past experiences, but this was different. Not different as just in the reason, but different in how I felt towards him.
After dating only a short time, I KNEW he was the one for me. I know that sounds extremely cheesey, but it's the truth. I promised myself I wouldn't allow myself to get close to someone since my previous boyfriend cheated on me a few times in the 2 short months we were together, but I could tell there was something different about my fiance.
I've never met someone who could make me laugh, smile, and feel carefree as he did and still continues to do. I consider myself beyond blessed to find my soul mate. In all honestly and as cheesey as this may seem, he's my fairytale prince charming. I've never met another person like him.
I know I may be a lil difficult to put up with at times and I'm not perfect, but he understand me. He's patient with me when I have my "moments" and does ANYTHING to get a smile from me.
I really wish that EVERYONE had a love like ours. Everyone deserves to feel the way that I do. I am a firm believer in soul mates, and I KNOW I've found mine. Maybe not found persay because I wasn't actually looking.
I guess it's true what they say. Once you stop looking aaaand start concentrating on yourself, God will place someone in your life to steal your heart.
Alrighty. I've recently discovered that someone who I THOUGHT was a friend of mine was actually.. Using me. I honestly can't stand fake people, but fake friends make me sick. It's just as bad as a fake relationship. You put time and effort into a friendship. You share secrets and fears. For what purpose??
To me, it's because I don't have siblings. I didn't grow up with someone to run to, argue with, or share things with like most people, but I had my friends.
Obviously you can tell I put my friends before myself, and I consider them as my family. Friends always have been and always will be a very important part of my life.
This is why I don't get how people can use each other. Can lie to your face and stab you in the back.
I've never done anything to deserve this sort of "attention", even after the hell this so called "friend" has put me through.
Not going to lie, but there was a part of me that knew this was happening, and honestly didn't care. Now that it's actually happened, I'm upset and worried. I'm worried that getting close to someone who's a newer friend in my life will only turn out hurtful.
Well.. Kind of a depressing topic, but someone had to do it.
